Saturday, March 5, 2011

top ten lists that went nowhere

o, readers. winter is doing me in. or something. i literally just asked twitter if it was illegal to go to bed at 8:30 on a saturday night. twitter replied that yes, indeed, it is illegal. it's not that i don't love you or that i'm seasonally affected or have a substance abuse problem or any of the other things that make people say things like o, readers, i am being done in. i'm likely vitamin d deficient, newly puppy-less, and have been working a lot and sometimes the sun peeks through the clouds and reminds me that i once wore shorts and went to bonfires. also this time of year, this weird thing happens where the pads of my fingers get really sore and sometimes split open (are they really called "pads"? i seriously hate that word). and my computer is sad, too; it keeps saying no! in the form of blue screen of death five times a day. it's just all very melancholy.

but it's okay, guys, don't worry about us, we are heading to duluth for three days to play on waterslides and eat at olive garden and make ourselves feel better. and we will come back and march will basically be half over! and maybe i can even wear my new shoes. in the meantime, here is all the lists that i considered making tonight but didn't. it's like a little catalogue of list fails.
  1. something about how my blackberry is way cooler than cory's iphone. which obviously it isn't, but then, neither am i.
  2. something about ghosts. i know i wrote about ghosts before, but i kind of got excited when i found a blackberry app that claimed to be able to detect supernatural activity. like a sucker i downloaded it, and it did nothing. maybe that's the point and it's some kind of ironic app. whatever. i like the idea of ghosts and i hope some day to be one.
  3. top ten characters on television that i hate irrationally. there's really only one, and that's karen from the office. i hate her so much that my hatred has spilled over into rashida jones' characters on other shows, like anne perkins on parks and rec. and actually, rashida jones herself, who i think tonight i may have actually referred to as "bitchface slutbag" or something. even worse, cory even knew who i was talking about. it makes no sense, i know. i also really hate ellie from chuck, but only sort of. so that's really not much of a list.
  4. top ten smells that you forget about for a long time and then you smell them again and they remind you of something awesome. this was completely inspired by going to buy ice cream one day and sticking my head in the ice cream freezer at the corner store and smelling that smell that ice cream freezers have, you know, that stale freezer smell mixed in with, well, ice cream. and all of a sudden i was ten and crawling halfway into the freezer to find that last damn squished-up creamsicle wedged somewhere in the bottom. but that was the only one that i could think of that might be kind of universal, the rest were all just "cory's deodorant" or "that coconut lime body wash that reminds me of duluth," none of which you need to hear about or care about. oh, and also that smell that the gap has everywhere you go. what is with that, anyway?
  5. top ten hello kitty things around our house. okay, probably more like top twenty. but really, that involves a) finding my camera and b) getting up off the couch. not exactly the kind of thing i'm interested in doing right now.
  6. something about amazing robots and shark attacks! you might wonder what these two things have in common. well, i'll tell you. they are both things i can build with these little kits i bought at work for two dollars a couple of weeks ago and have been intending to build ever since, but instead have just been sitting on top of our old television that had been sitting in our living room ever since we got our new television because it is too big to fit down the stairs to the basement and that we have been intending to take to cory's parents' but haven't.
  7. things in our living room that we have been intending to do something with. i just thought of that one!
  8. top ten songs about hockey. this would be a great list except hockey just makes me sad now. in fact, just typing the word hockey makes me sad. what makes me the most sad, though, is thinking back to the time when i was super excited about this season: sitting on the floor at cory's parents' in front of the tv, wearing my little penguins hat and booing alex ovechkin. poor sweet little innocent me. if only i had known.
  9. top ten people twitter thinks i should follow who i either hate or are totally irrelevant to anything ever in life. here's why this list wouldn't work: i just logged onto twitter to try to find an example of this for you guys, and when i clicked on "suggestions" it said "sorry, we have nothing for you now!" like even twitter is like, meh, i'm tired, go away, i want to watch miley cyrus on snl.
  10. i don't know, something about assassin's creed? just cause cory's playing it right now and it seems kind of crazy. like if i watch it too long it might give me vertigo. or make me throw up. also, there's all these buxom wenches everywhere, but I don't think you can sleep with them, like in mass effect. man. i should write video game reviews. i'm amazing! cory's analysis is better, though: "this game is scary! good thing there isn't any flying sharks!" clearly it's time to pack it in for the night.


  1. Olive Garden calories do make a person feel better, at least for a while. Better eat a cheesecake afterwards. *makes note to self*

  2. Oh, it did cheer me up. Until about ten minutes later when I tried to get out of my seat!