15 things that happened while i was comatoast

that heading is not a typo: i once had a roommate who would say "comatoast" instead of "comatose" and i never knew whether or not she was being cute or whether she really did think that was the word. either way, i really like it and think it's an appropriate description for what happened to me over the holidays. i watched endless streams of harried consumers buy a bunch of crap, had one day off while they exchanged all that crap with other harried consumers, and then went back to watch them return it all. in retrospect, i guess it was all kind of zen or something: all things returning to whence they came, the ebb and flow of life and crappy gift product, blah blah blah. whatever. it still turned my brain to cooked bread.

so i basically have no idea what went on in the real world or on the internets, and that makes me sad. what might be even sadder are the few things that did manage to squeeze their way through the slice of slightly burnt wonderbread wedged firmly in my brain. there will be no "best of the decade" posts here, only a few drippings of what i apparently think is important. oh, ps, just so you know, i don't do resolutions or anything (just DO the damn thing for god's sake, stop yakking about it) but a coworker and i made a pact that next year we will not be working retail for christmas. cause next year i might not get away with just being comatoast; it might be something worse. like comascrambledeggs or something.

(or something... or something... still a little toasted, apparently. oh well)

1. the penguins lost the winter classic, even though i was sitting there inches away from the tv in cory's parents' living room wearing my little penguin's toque and scarf and cheering them on while the whole family made fun of me. BUT I GUESS THAT WASN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU, WAS IT? what do you want, my firstborn or something? god.
2. there was that other hockey game that i don't even want to talk about. EVER.
3. some kind of harry potter movie came out at a place called a "movie theatre" that apparently attracts packs of teenagers and adults on first dates.
4. uh, as far as i can tell, wikipedia started leaking, although i don't know if that's literally or figuratively.
5. there was a lunar eclipse that happened somewhere beyond the layers of thick cloud cover over thunder bay.
6. justin bieber still lives, while thousands of other, less irritating people die every day.
7. some balding dude called william got engaged to a pretty girl called kate. little old british ladies are overjoyed.
8. everyone got new facebook profiles for christmas. now i know what languages all my friends speak without having to click another link! thanks, mark zuckerburg!
9. my mom came very close to getting sucked into a internet scam! let this be a warning to all of you to keep a closer eye on your parents when they are online. in fact, a good rule of thumb is to not allow parents on the internet without supervision at all. even if it is just for farmville.
10. cory and i did not win an ipad at his christmas party, despite spending more money than anyone else there on $4.50 bar shots. although apparently the draw was just random, and not based on how much overpriced alcohol you could consume. BUT IF IT WAS!
11. for christmas, cory got a computer chair and a dutch oven. which, because he already has an awesome chair and generally food just tends to magically appears in front of him, means i got a computer chair and a dutch oven. yay, me!
12. mila kunis and macauley culkin broke up. cory does secret dance of joy.
13. 2010 turned into 2011, which means we have one more year before the end of the world, according to the mayans and jon cusack. now i sort of regret that warranty we bought on our new tv.
14. the globe and mail went up in price, and now costs $2.03. let me tell you in no uncertain terms that i hate that three cents more than anyone has ever hated three cents before in their life.
15. we got a new hello kitty calendar. in january, she makes a snowman!