top ten leslie nielsen quotes

you guys, isn't it weird that i was just watching airplane and then leslie nielsen dies? it kind of makes me want to watch a katy perry video.

1. "you take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street....or sticking your face in a fan."
2. "it's true what they say: cops and women don't mix. it's like eating a spoonful of drano; sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside."
3. "some guys make shoe laces, others lay sod, some make a very good living neutering animals. me, I'm a cop."
4. "i am serious... and don't call me shirley."
5. "like a midget at a urinal, i was going to have to stay on my toes."
6. "the last thing he said to me, 'doc,' he said, 'some time when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the zipper. i don't know where i'll be then, doc,' he said, 'but i won't smell too good, that's for sure.'"
7. "i haven't seen anything like this since the anita bryant concert" 
8. "the truth hurts ... maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts."
9. "crazy? some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. i'll tell you what crazy is: crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, saying: 'i'm a hamster. i'm a hamster.' that's crazy."
10. "i like my sex the way i play basketball: one on one with as little dribbling as possible."

things i love about thunder bay

when i decided to move to thunder bay, i would tell all my toronto friends i was moving away and they'd be all "where to?" and i'd be all "thunder bay!" and then they would stare at me blankly as though they weren't sure whether they were supposed to react with pity or, well, more pity. even people back in halifax were a little bit confused, although i think this is more due to the fact that most people out east don't even know where thunder bay is (true story: the first time i flew from halifax to thunder bay my mom was all "is cory picking you up in toronto?" and i was all "TORONTO IS 18 HOURS AWAY!" and my mom was all "NO YOU LIE!")

so i will admit, all that dissention from people who know me well might have planted a little tiny seed of doubt in my mind. not that i would move, because there was never any question of that, but that i would be able to survive, NAY, thrive in northwestern ontario. but you guys, in case you haven't noticed, since i moved here i have become THUNDER BAY'S BIGGEST FAN. i love it here so much that even people who grew up here look at me like i'm crazy. and when i said that to cory one day he was like "it's not that you love thunder bay, it's that you love the things here. like our house. and riley." and while i don't disagree with that, nor do i disagree with the fact that i do love the things in thunder bay (although maybe i do disagree that loving the things in a place and loving a place are two different things, CORY AND YOUR COMPLICATED SEMANTICS), i'm off to prove that this city makes me just as happy as the person i moved here to be with (AWWW, I KNOW! am i not the most adorable?) also, now maybe people will come visit me RIGHT MOM?

1. my house - okay, fine, i do really, really love our house. i love the walls and the carpets and the roof and all the rooms and the furniture and the windows in the living room and the trees in the front yard. i'm a little scared of the basement sometimes but it's nice to know it's there for storing things like winter boots and potatoes. i love driving in the driveway and walking up the stairs and putting my key in the door and once i'm inside i basically never want to leave.
2. the kam river - come to think of it, i also really love our street. i love how i can leave work and be all stressed and angry and the minute i see mount mckay and smell the mill and turn down broadway it's like all the stress just disappears, and i'm all happy and relaxed. but the thing i love most about my street is that right there on the other side of it is the kaministiquia river.
   
   
   objects in the photograph may be far more snowy, these days, than they appear now, i don't have a lot of experience actually on the kam, other than an ill-fated fishing trip with cory's parents in which we caught a total of, wait for it, ZERO FISH. but i have spent a lot of time looking at the kam, from this little perch in the empty lot across the street from my house. i've also spent a lot of time looking at it from the other end, which (ahem) brings me to number three...
3. waterfalls - before i ever came to thunder bay, i had decided that kakabeka was the funniest word on the planet. cory would be all "blah blah blah kakabeka" and i'd be all "HAHAHAHA." then i went there and it was so beautiful and amazing on top of being hilarious. so i was more "HAHAHA... OOH... HAHAHA." it was all very confusing.
   
   
   i'm totally laughing on the inside
   so i went to kakabeka and then went back to kakabeka and then went back to kakabeka again with heather and scott when they were here and was all "KAKABEKA IS THE BEST YOU GUYS" (admit it, you're totally LOLing) and then suddenly one day cory was like "hey why don't we go to this other awesome waterfall that i've never told you about before?"
   
   
   cascades! who knew
   so even though kakabeka remains the most hilarious waterfall, i think cascades might take the crown just cause you can walk right up to the waterfall and stick your hand in it if you want to, and this makes it the most dangerous and therefore the most awesome.
4. the scan - so the subject of finn pancakes is a pretty tense one in thunder bay. i once saw two people nearly come to blows over the hoito and whether or not it's overrated. really, all you need to know is this: the hoito IS overrated, and kangas is a sauna where underage thunder bayans go to have sex (and have it posted on the internet!) there is only one clear choice here, and it is the scan. and when you go to the scan, there is only one choice of what to order: the big viking.
   
   
   and this photograph makes its seven millionth appearance on this blog
   it is basically my dream in life to be able to finish the big viking (get it?! finnish!?) which i understand is kind of sad, but whatever. it's too delicious to feel okay about leaving anything behind.
5. candy mountain - there's really only one reason we ever go out to candy mountain: to do manual labour. this, for me, mostly involves playing with riley while cory and his dad plant trees and cut down other trees and water trees and whatever other things they do while i'm, well, playing with riley. one time, though, i did learn how to use a saw!
   
   
   can you not tell that i am SAWING THE HELL OUT OF THAT TREE
   
   
   but the most awesome thing about candy mountain is that a fairly sizeable chunk of it actually belongs to cory's dad.
   
   
   he's very modest. it IS actually a mountain
   so we can cut down trees and put up trees and walk around and LIVE there if we want, and no one can stop us. well, except cory's dad. and raccoons.
   
6. thunder oak cheese farm - i know i already made a post about the thunder oak cheese farm, but i cannot stress enough how amazing the combination of delicious cheese and adorable baby goats can possibly be. especially when the cheese is UNBELIEVABLY good and the baby goats are UNBELIEVABLY adorable. whatever, just be glad it's not the other way around.
7. westfort coney island - thunder bay is not bad for restaurants; like, you're not going to starve here or anything. but one thing that's really amazing about thunder bay is that there are all kinds of places that look like they're just corner stores, but once you go inside you can buy, like, GIANT bags of handcut fries.
   
   
   i wasn't joking. that is one big motherfucking bag of fries
   you can also buy coney burgers. and i'm not going to lie, the only place you want to do that in thunder bay is the westfort coney island.
   
   
   cory still goes there despite his fear of ferris wheels
   now, if you don't know what coney burger is, i can't really tell you. neither, apparently, can wikipedia. but they are delicious, if a little hard to get used to eating at ten in the morning, which is the time, on saturday mornings, that you will find me and cory and his dad sitting in one of the three little booths, in the back behind the four old ladies who like their toast black, and avoiding the know-it-all guy who sits at the counter and, well, knows it all. and cory will be drinking his cream soda and his dad will be eating half-and-half and chatting with everyone who comes in, and i will be eating fries and gravy and leaving a couple of soggy fries behind in a pool of gravy and it will drive cory bananas. we are creatures of habit, just like everyone else who ever goes to the coney.
8. stanley burgers - i was actually planning a post on the best burgers in thunder bay, but then abandoned it after eating a burger at the stanley tavern. i mean, i still ate burgers, don't get me wrong. it's just that it was no longer a competition.
   
   
   so worth the drive, you don't even know
   the stanley tavern is actually in stanley, which is basically sort of by kakabeka. it used to be the place where you got off (or maybe on?) your tube when you went tubing on the river, but they changed it (and they also stopped letting you bring beer, which means that we don't go tubing). so the lack of tubing, along with the fact that, due to a miscommunicated story about a crappy waitress (and maybe some bad chocolate milk?) i thought the stanley was actually not a great place to eat. THIS WAS A GROSSLY INACCURATE ASSUMPTION ON MY PART. they do make the. best. burgers. and you know that i do not say something like this lightly.
9. new hope dog rescue - new hope dog rescue rescues dogs. they rescue them from homelessness, from bad owners, from northern communities, from the pound when they are about to be euthanized. they rescue them and they put them in foster homes and they work tirelessly to try to get them adopted. so if you live in thunder bay and you want a dog, you should call them because honestly puppies are cute and everything but there are so many grown up dogs out there who just want to love you. and there is absolutely nothing like the love you get from a rescue pet.
10. the mnr tree nursery - once you get your rescue pet, take them for a walk at the mnr tree nursery! i'll admit, the best part of the tree nursery for me is the fact that it's pretty close to my house. and the second best part is the little informational signs they have everywhere that teach you about wildlife and stuff. because i really need to know what kind of fish looks most like a helicopter! i am not even being sarcastic.
    
    
    the best part is, the fish is actually FLYING it 
11. the cle - yeah, from the outside the cle just looks like a normal bill lynch fair (bill lynch? is that a thing? or is it just in the maritimes?) but there are several cool things about the cle that don't include rides and cotton candy. the first is the competition they have for, like, weird-shaped vegetables and arts and crafts and such, which i totally meant to enter this year but forgot about until we were actually there and i was like "fuck i totally meant to enter this!" (not that i a) grow vegetables or b) have the slightest inkling how to make or interest in making arts and crafts. i just like competitions!) the second cool thing is that along with all the normal fair type food like mini donuts and cotton candy, they have a bunch of local food booths that sell things like pierogies and polish sausages and other things.
    
    
    i like the deep fried chocolate bars, myself
    the third cool thing is, obviously, the petting zoo. it is seriously hard to go wrong with baby goats and miniature donkeys. YES I LIKE BABY GOATS, OK?
12. tbpl - i love libraries in general, in fact, i'd be hard-pressed to find one where i was all "this library is basically just mediocre, yo." i have had some really great moments at the tbpl. they even let me read there, and there was free coffee, and bill showed up! i'm telling you, nights don't get much better than that.
13. sleeping giant - so i've mentioned this before, but you don't tell someone from thunder bay that the sleeping giant looks nothing like a sleeping giant, because basically they will form an angry mob and run you out of the city with flaming torches yelling "you come back where you came from, you here?!" in an old-timey accent. so, because i love this city so much, i will now publicly declare that THE SLEEPING GIANT TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE A GIANT THAT IS SLEEPING, YOU GUYS.
    
    
    no it doesn't
    but the "sleeping giant" isn't just something you can look at. you can also walk on it! it's pretty far away--like, deceptively far--but if you go it's totally worth it because you get to see things like this:
    
    
    apparently this looks like a sea lion. i think people in thunder bay are just confused about what things look like
    and this:
    
    
    this just looks like adorableness so yeah, walking on the sleeping giant is awesome and not at all as creepy as it sounds. there are also campsites, so you can sleep on the sleeping giant. if that's something you're into.
14. the thunderwolves - people here LOVE the thunderwolves. like, almost as much as people in halifax love the mooseheads, which is to say that they love them as much as a town that loves hockey but has no nhl team loves whichever team is around. and thunder bay is really the hockiest of hockey towns, although i'm still pretty sure no tsn announcer ever wrote a book about a staal.
15. cory's parents' garden - take a look at this picture and tell me what you see:
    
    
    if you said "a big ass farm" i would be all like WRONG SUCKERS, it's cory's parents' garden and it's full of all kinds of vegetables that i don't even know what they are (true story: cory's always like "get some carrots" and i'll be like "where's the carrots?" and he'll be like "over there" and i'll be like "STOP IT WHERE" and he'll laugh cause he'll realize that i'm looking for something orange. and in a plastic bag). all i know is this is the reason that we have potatoes to store in our basement and eat cucumbers every day for two months in the summer. (side note: if anyone can tell me something to do with cucumbers other than salad, please tell me. and don't say pickles. i'm not making those, that's too much work).
16. mount mckay - did i tell you that mount mckay is at the end of my street? and you can drive up to the top of it and you might grumble a little bit about having to pay five dollars, once you get up there it's totally worth it cause you can see the whole entire world from up there.
    
    
    i guess it's sort of more impressive when you're there
    it's also apparently one of the other places that under aged thunder bayans go to have sex, but luckily we didn't see any of that. also, on your way home you can stop at the native gas bar and get cheap gas! if you don't mind waiting in mile-long lines.
17. the people - here are some things you need to know about the people in thunder bay: a) they say "bill" when they mean "receipt" b) they might not be super duper friendly all the time, but they're also rarely ever excessively mean and c) they never complain about the weather, especially in winter. you might think i'm joking about the last one but it's true: even with all the truly crappy weather we've had lately, people just say things like "well, we do live in thunder bay," or "yep, it's winter in canada, what are you going to do?" and i know what you're thinking, you're thinking "amy how can you make all these generalizations about thunder bayans when you've only lived there for six months?" well, guess what? THEY'RE NOT GENERALIZATIONS. i work three jobs in the service industry and i have met EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO LIVES HERE and THEY ALL DO THESE THINGS. also, i don't know if "thunder bayan" is the right term to describe someone who lives in thunder bay, but since no one will tell me if it is or isn't, INCLUDING THE INTERNET, WHICH KNOWS EVERYTHING, i am just going to decide that it's the term i'm going to use.
18. bonfires - it's so awesome, you guys: everyone in thunder bay has bonfires at their parties! like, if i were in halifax or toronto and going to a party, i would for sure wear something adorable and impractical and totally NOT flame-retardant. my first thought would not be "what are the odds of this catching on fire?" and "how easily can i get the smell of smoke out of the material?" dressing for parties in thunder bay sure is complicated. luckily bonfires are easily the most fun thing you can do at a party.
19. cabbage rolls and perogies in church basements - this is what you do: you check in the paper and you see "cabbage rolls and perogies on such and such a day from blah til blah at yadda yadda church" and then you go and try to figure out which frigging door to go in and then you eventually stumble down into the basement and this is what you see: a dozen little old polish ladies and one huge-ass ball of dough making billions of perogies and cabbage rolls that you can buy for, like, twenty cents. it's like some kind of weird potato miracle.
20. loch lomond - here is a confession: i have yet to actually go skiing at loch lomond, even though it is only a few minutes away from my house. but i have been tubing there lots and lots of times.
    
    
    it looks like cory is taking a picture of excited little me. but he's really taking a picture of tube girls' bum
    tubing is like tobogganing except, well, on a tube, and you don't have to walk up and down the hill because you get to ride the chairlift! it's basically the most fun thing you can do in the snow. well, almost.
21. everything else - here's the problem... i started making this list and then kept thinking of more and more things to put on it. cause thunder bay has a movie theatre that has harry potter marathons and a contemporary art gallery and a farmer's market and a professional theatre company and a super awesome writers' organization (that i am totally not biased towards even though i work for them) and a really, really kickass arts and culture magazine (that i am totally not biased towards even though i work for them) and great restaurants and historical type stuff and A WHOLE FREAKING UNIVERSITY. oh, and riley. which, really, should be the biggest draw for EVERYONE. i am so totally not biased.
    
    
    

top ten things i've cooked lately that i feel you need to know about

it's been a while since i've made any food-related posts, which might lead some of you to believe that i've given up on my secret dream to be a food blogger (because as we all know, THE WORLD NEEDS ANOTHER FOOD BLOG). but ha ha, the joke is on you, because i've been saving them up and now you're going to get them all at once in one big long post about MY CULINARY GENIUS and how SAD YOU MUST FEEL BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EAT THESE DELICIOUS THINGS THAT I MADE and HOW MUCH BETTER MY LIFE IS THAN YOURS. okay, that last one is a bit of an exaggeration. it's only a teensy bit better, and that's only because of the bacon.

1. squash penne with sage and bacon - so every once in a while i totally forget that cory doesn't like it when i use fresh herbs as garnish (he'll TELL you he doesn't like them at all: "what's this green stuff on top? cilantro? i HATE cilantro. but the rest of this dish, which clearly does NOT HAVE CILANTRO ALL THROUGH IT, is totally delicious.") so last night when i made this, i was all "la, la, la, chopping fresh sage for garnish" and then i served it and cory made a face. but it's cool, he had a sandwich and a little bowl of the non-garnished bits and i got to eat more delicious, delicious pasta. i sort of used nigella lawson's recipe but i roasted the squash first cause i hate peeling and chopping raw squash. oh, and parm for blue cheese and walnuts for pine nuts (does nigella not know how expensive pine nuts are?!) and i added bacon to it. obvs.
   
   
   the sage makes it pretty! GOD. 
2. orange ginger chicken - although i might not have remembered that cory hates herb garnishes, i did actually remember that he thinks he hates ginger. but i'm convinced it's the texture he hates, not the taste, so i made this chicken anyway and made sure i minced the ginger really finely so it dissolved in the sauce. and, well, he ate it, so score one for me! also, i made way, WAY too much sauce, so it's a good thing he liked it cause we're going to be eating orange ginger everything from now until eternity.
3. sun-dried tomatoes - so over most of the summer i was totally obsessed with buying cheap, almost-overripe plum tomatoes and making my own sun-dried tomatoes. and yes, okay, fine, you got me, i did not dry them in the sun, i dried them in the oven, but whatever you guys, they turned out exactly the same and delicious and cheap and now i have a giant jar of tomatoes in my fridge that will last me all winter and that's all that matters
4. bacon-wrapped jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese - a couple of weeks ago i was invited to a girls' night party thingie at a co-worker's house where we were all supposed to bring finger foods and get drunk. and so obviously my first thought was i had to bring these, because i had made them before and they were delicious and i didn't want to bring a dip because that's what everyone brings, you guys. and even though several disastrous things happened that evening like me spilling bacon grease all over cory's jeans and there being a big snowstorm and me having to drive home in said snowstorm etc etc, the jalapenos were delicious. and unlike the last time i made them, i did not rub my eyes and almost go blind.
5. roast chicken - here's a story. one day i was like, hey, chickens are on sale at a&p, i should roast a chicken! and so i bought a chicken. then i came home, read a thousand food blogs about how to roast a chicken, thought, "this is going to be hard because everyone says it's hard." then i roasted the chicken and it was not hard at all. in fact it was super easy and it tasted delicious and i got to stuff a bunch of things inside the chicken which was kind of fun.
6. chicken pot pie - here's another story. my boyfriend makes the best pies. THE. BEST. PIES.
   
   
   yeah, he made the pie crust, too!
   so a couple of weeks ago when we had early christmas, he made an apple pie and a pumpkin pie and had half a crust left over. so i thought i'd try it on a chicken pot pie (i usually use puff pastry, which i buy because i am lazy) because i had all that chicken leftover and also because cory loves it when i make chicken pot pie because he can put frank's red hot sauce on it (and anything i make that frank's can go on is THE BEST MEAL EVER). anyway, it turned out pretty good except i let it sit for a bit before i baked it and a lot of the milk evaporated or something cause it wasn't very creamy. then later in the week we brought the leftovers to feed to cory's dad while his mom was away. but don't worry, i brought the bottle of frank's along in my purse.
7. chicken stock - after i roasted the chicken and made the pot pie, i was all excited cause then i got to make chicken stock, which is my favourite thing to do to make me feel a) thrifty and b) healthy and c) all warm and fuzzy. then, weirdly, i didn't have anything to make with it after the pot pie, so i decided to freeze it in the ice cube tray and make little chicken stock ice cubes. which worked really well and also caused cory to freak out a little when he went looking for ice cubes. which is totally a bonus.
8. garlic bread pizza - full disclaimer: cory invented and perfected garlic bread pizza. i am just a student of his genius. i can't even take credit for the idea to saute the chicken with the pineapple juice and tabasco sauce. i didn't even know pineapple juice was delicious. i would never have thought to toast the garlic bread first, or put spinach in the sauce, or use three cheeses on top instead of one. i just don't have the pizza ingenuity that he does. but it still tasted good when i made it. especially the end pieces.
9. pork tenderloin - you guys, i'm totally terrified to make pork tenderloin again. because the last time i made it was the first time i ever made it, and it was SO FUCKING GOOD and I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID and WHAT IF I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN? oh, the existential angst of the neurotic cook. holy shit, you guys, i think i just came up with a name for my secret food blog.
10. banana bread - i basically just bake banana bread these days out of spite. then i tweet about it and post pictures of it on facebook and write about it on this blog so that all you suckers know i am the banana bread queen. yes. suckers. you know who you are.

top one sign of the apocalypse of the day

1. you guys, i have a confession to make. sometimes, when i post these so-called signs of the apocalypse, i don't really mean it. i might mean "this is embarrassing for everyone," or "holy shit i can't believe this is actually happening," or "this offends me as a human being." but never, never do i ever literally think "this is the end, guys. this is it. it's really happening."
   
   until last night.
   
   seriously, this is the zombie apocalypse of reunion tours, in which remnants of past boy bands fuse to become one large, brain-eating disease crawling slowly across the country, killing everything in their path with their embarrassing choreography and insidious remixes of twenty year old songs. we should have seen this coming. but we were blind. blind!
   
   ladies and gentlemen, i give you nkotbsb.
   
   
   if you need me, i'll be hiding in the basement with a box of non-perishables and a shotgun. okay, fine. it's a nerf gun.

i don't know who gino is but this is pretty awesome

Also, you know what else is awesome? This link over at The Globe and Mail. That guy seems to like Amy almost as much as I do. I'll be keeping my eye on you in the future, guy.

top one awesome video of the day

1. okay, you guys, this is to make up for the abomination that cory made you watch a couple of weeks ago.
   
   

the first snowfall of the year: pros and cons

pros:

1. everyone can stop bitching about how "usually by this time of year we already have FIFTEEN FEET OF SNOW!"
2. everyone can start bitching about how "we now have FIFTEEN CENTIMETRES OF SNOW!" don't worry, you guys, there's always something to bitch about.
3. helps get you in the mood for christmas, which is lovely before christmas (not so lovely if, like the past few years i was in halifax, you don't get snow until mid-january. that is just sad-making).
4. covers up all the yard work you didn't do (i picked up the pine cones, i swear, THEY JUST KEPT FALLING OFF THE TREES!)
5. SNOW ANGELS! SNOWBALL FIGHTS! SNOW FORTS! SNOW PANTS!
6. shoveling increases heart rate. (staying in bed while boyfriend shovels and then finding out he not only shoveled a little path to your car but also cleaned it off for you increases heart rate exponentially!)
7. snow outside makes house far more warm and cozy inside, somehow. memories of august's oppressively sweltering heat slowly and surely start to melt away. uh.. melt away? ice over, maybe. whatever. you forget about them, okay?
8. raccoons hibernate. right? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME RACCOONS HIBERNATE!
9. your yard looks like this:
   
   
   it's a winter wonderland 
10. you get to wear mittens! and mittens are cool.

cons:

1. driving is a nightmare. your car becomes a tiny little steel coffin in which you are trapped while psychotic, drunken rednecks in trucks pass you on the highway while the road is still covered in three feet of slush because they have forgotten, since the last time they ended up in the ditch last winter, that they ARE NOT FUCKING INVINCIBLE JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE IN A TRUCK.
2. this causes you to miss out on some really fun things like eating dip and mini-quiches and going dancing with co-workers because you are worried about the drive home. perhaps you are even made fun of by co-workers due to your extreme winter-driving-safety diligence. perhaps their mocking laughter rings in your ears late into the night while you are trying to sleep. YOU KNOW, PERHAPS.
3. SNOW ANGELS! and SNOWBALL FIGHTS! and SNOW FORTS! actually basically just equal YOUR BOYFRIEND PUSHING YOU INTO A SNOWBANK AND LAUGHING AT YOU! (there was an impression of my head in the snowbank outside cory's parents' house for the entire winter of 2008-2009. true story). and maybe your SNOW PANTS! don't stay up. maybe.
4. shoveling sucks.
5. you might want to stay in your cozy awesome house and drink cocoa and play video games, but YOU HAVE TO GO TO FUCKING WORK. hibernation is not going to pay the bills, yo.
6. having to put away your cute shoes in favour of stupid ugly stupid winter boots.
7. boyfriend's winter boots mysteriously disappear. he might not say it out loud, but you think he secretly blames you.
8. increased sightings of nordics jackets.
9. your street looks like this:
   
   
     it's a winter fucking wasteland 
10. your mittens only serve to remind you that THERE ARE NO OLYMPICS THIS YEAR. suddenly, your winter got a whole lot longer.
    

top two instances in which the dufferin mall appears in literature

1. scott pilgrim vs the world - actual text from cory: OMG YOU HAVE TO GET TO BOOK SIX BECAUSE SOMETHING AWESOME HAPPENS! me to coworker: it must be something really, really awesome, because cory never gets all-caps-enthusiastic about anything. UNLIKE ME! however, in this case, he was right, because in book six when scott is woken up by wallace and forced to leave their sweltering apartment in order to find some air conditioning, where does he go? THAT'S RIGHT THE DUFFERIN MALL BITCHES. and he sits on that bench that cory would always sit on to wait for me when i went to the bathroom. you know, the one in front of the flight centre and the cinnabon, with a perfect view of all the slutty teenagers coming in the front door. and then he goes to the food court and i think he eats at jimmy the greek! it is basically the most exciting thing in the book next to the plumtree tshirt he wears during his first battle.
2. my new short story, "atikokan is for lovers," currently on the taddle creek website and forthcoming in their christmas, 2010 issue - i swear to god this didn't start out as just another shameless promo blog post. i was actually super excited about SLASH kind of homesick to see the dufferin mall in scott pilgrim, because it was basically the only place i ever went in toronto for about a year and i overheard some of my best conversations there and almost lost cory and jeffy there when we were super hungover and stood in the parking lot with jeff in the pouring rain pulling futon parts out of a box (remember my futon?!) and took adrienne there to buy a shelf and bought my frozen christmas dinner there at the no frills. like, it really is a hilarious place. so it was pretty natural that the main character in this story would end up there at some point, when she was feeling her most angsty and alone. but i wasn't going to write about that, really, i was just going to make up some list about scott pilgrim (which is the shit by the way) and then i found out my story was on the web and it just seemed like too much of a coincidence not to mention. so there. i mentioned it! DUFFERIN MALL 4EVA!

things to do tonight in thunder bay

1. come see me, eleanor albanese, and debbie metzler read at the brodie library at 7pm. there will be, well, me, eleanor albanese, and debbie metzler reading stuff. and cory will be there, sporting a very impressive beard that has nothing whatsoever to do with movember.
2. nothing! it's thunder bay! (just kidding, thunder bay peeps with other stuff going on tonight. i'm sure your event will be fabulous.)

top ten comfort movies of my childhood

so this might be something that you can totally tell from reading this blog, but i like what i like. and what i mean by that is, when i like something, i REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE IT to the point where it becomes almost ridiculous. like bacon. or roller coasters. i will listen to the same song over and over and over, i will watch the same episodes of the same shows over and over and over, i will eat the same meal over and over and over (and over and over and...)

when i was a kid, nowhere was this personality quirk (yes, i said "quirk." not "flaw." "quirk.") more apparent than in my choice of movies. between the ages of, say, 8 and 15, i probably only watched about 10 different movies in total -- i just watched them over and over (and over and over...) i found new movies stressful. i wanted to not have to worry about what was going to happen. and now that i'm all grown up and i try to be normal and try new things, when i'm by myself and there's no one there to judge me i'm back watching the same movies again. and although my tastes have changed (some of the movies on this list are embarrassingly bad) the intention is the same: don't surprise me. just give me the character i love, doing that same awesome thing for all of eternity. the end.

1. airplane - so recently, airplane was on tv. and i tried to explain to cory that this was basically the only movie i ever watched for an entire year, until it got to the point where my mom didn't even ask me anymore what movie i wanted to rent when we went to halifax video (halifax video! come on you old school halifax peeps! HALIFAX EFFING VIDEO!) so he was like okay, let's watch it. then he fell asleep. which totally did not stop me from going "omg, omg, this part is so funny!" or saying "i am serious! and don't call me shirley" along with leslie neilson. but you guys, underneath all that enthusiasm was a little bit of sadness. because that movie just isn't funny anymore. i don't know if it's just because the jokes are dated, or because my sense of humour has evolved (okay, it can't really be the last one, cause i still like stupid movies. lucky for you, will farrell) but i'm pretty sure i was just laughing to cover up my tears. although that part with kareem abdul jabbar and the kid in the cockpit is still pretty funny. and that part when ted striker develops his drinking problem! oh, and that little girl who takes that coffee black, like her men! oh, and... whatever. i can tell you're already asleep.
2. clue - i played clue pretty obsessively as a kid, to the point where i had an elaborate cheating scheme devised that i'm not even going to tell you about because then it would ruin clue for you forever. but the best part of the movie was that they totally cheated, too, because they gave you three different endings! a movie after my own heart. i can remember being 11 or 12 and having to rent clue on beta before i went to babysit the kids across the street, and then actually getting scared while watching it because i was, and still am, a giant wuss.
3. say anything - say anything, along with the other usual suspects (pretty in pink, sixteen candles, dirty dancing) was a slumber party staple when i was in elementary school. (we actually had a slumber party club, called the i love scott club, the sole purpose of which was to have a sleepover once a month and, well, call scott. then watch a movie and eat popcorn. because what else would you follow up calling scott with?!) the only movie that made it past that period, for me, besides a brief stint in first year university when me and my roommates would watch the breakfast club almost every day, was say anything. in fact, it was only a few years ago that i got in an argument with a giller-nominated author about whether or not lloyd dobbler was, indeed, the perfect man. don't freak out, but she said he might not be.
4. speedy gonzales - i've talked about this before, but when i was a kid me and my sister would make cheddar cheese microwave popcorn and watch speedy gonzales. and for a long time i thought we must have had, like, seven speedy gonzales tapes. but no. no. it was just one. one speedy gonzales tape. that we watched EVERY NIGHT. and now, looking back, i wish i hadn't taken it for granted back then because just try to find a speedy gonzales cartoon out there. and yeah, negative stereotypes and blah blah blah but i say, holy crap, he was THE FASTEST MOUSE IN ALL MEXICO! screw negative stereotypes, i was IN LOVE WITH HIM!
5. the princess bride - i remember the first time i saw the princess bride. i was probably about ten and my mom took me and erin to see it at the oxford and afterward we went to mcdonald's on quinpool and i got an animal muppet baby, which was the coolest muppet baby of them all. but to be honest i didn't start re-watching it until later in life. and this is mostly because it's the only movie heather ever wants to watch when she's drunk. obviously we are soul mates. (hey, heather, remember that time we were walking back from the bar and i was like "what do you want to do now?" and you were like "oh, go home and watch the princess bride, but first stop at the grocery store and buy some bacon." yep. soul mates.)
6. highway 61 - here are some things you need to know about the movie highway 61, because i guarantee you have never, ever seen it: a) no one else has ever seen it, either b) you shouldn't see it, because it is, in retrospect, pretty terrible c) it's the only canadian movie on this list d) it has a cameo by jello biafra! which, when i was 14, was the most amazing thing i'd ever seen e) it was the first movie i ever saw at wormwood's (old school halifax peeps? you still there? WORMWOOD'S?) f) it made me obsessed with new orleans for, like, ten years g) i take it back, WATCH THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW IT IS FUCKING AMAZING. oh, ps, in the craziest coincidence ever, I NOW LIVE OFF OF HIGHWAY 61. thank you, bruce macdonald.
7. rocky horror picture show - a disclaimer: for someone who has watched rocky horror probably close to a hundred times, i have never, ever been to a live screening. which is a total shame, cause i think i would make a kick-ass magenta. i just haven't found a date willing to go out of the house in his underwear. and yes, i know it's a little weird to have this movie on a list of COMFORT MOVIES. FROM CHILDHOOD. what can i say, i was a weird kid.
8. rushmore - oh, rushmore. sometimes i forget how much i love you. then you come on tv and i watch you again and remember. and then, if it's on one of those channels that gets the rights to a movie and then plays them over and over (and over and over...) and sometimes even back to back, i'll watch you until they stop playing you. and then i'll watch your clips on youtube, probably reciting lines along with you. no jokes: i know all the lines from the dinner party scene. and i'm not one of those people who can remember lines from movies, like, ever. also, i know i was not really a kid the first time i saw this movie. but i fell in love with it with a BEGUILING CHILDLIKE ENTHUSIASM, okay?!
9. girls just wanna have fun - back in the days when i was actually capable of looking at sarah jessica parker's facefor more than thirty seconds, i was in love with this movie. you see, these girls did EXCITING THINGS while my life remained INCREDIBLY BORING. why couldn't i sabotage a mean girl's party by handing out invitations to punks at the mall? why couldn't i have a super strict army dad whose ridiculous rules made even just hanging out with my friends an adventure in subterfuge? AND WHY COULDN'T I AUDITION FOR A DANCE SHOW?! oh, right. because in real life, there are no dance shows. well, thank god for dance movies, then.
10. strictly ballroom - ahem. speaking of dance movies. have i mentioned that this one is THE BEST DANCE MOVIE OF ALL TIME? this is because it combines all three of my favourite movie genres in one: it's a comedy! it's a mockumentary! it's a dance movie! IT'S A COMEDANCEUMENTARY!
    
    
    
    okay, now i have this weird feeling that i already did a "top ten best final dances in dance movies" post, but i can't find it. maybe i just thought about doing it? or maybe i just sat here and watched this clip over and over and over (and over and over...) until i forgot what i was doing.