the twenty emotional stages of shattered city

so the other day at the super awesome thunder bay public library cory found a copy of shattered city (random, right? like, they should just have seven hundred copies of morning in the northwest or whatever). and was all, hey, we should get this, it'll totally make you feel like home! this probably has nothing to do with the fact that he wanted to see if i was serious when i said i knew EVERYTHING THERE WAS TO KNOW about the halifax explosion, seeing as that's all we learned about in school for fifteen years (well, that and the expulsion of the acadians. have they ever made a movie of evangeline? cause i bet he'll want to watch that next). so whatever, i'm like, cool, cause i do totally remember when they were making it but i never actually watched it, and i thought at least we could watch it in fast forward and be all like, hey, i know that person! or, look, it's the citadel! whatever.

so we pop it in the xbox and start watching. watch, watch, watch. then cory looks at the back and as soon as he reads "an epic, three-hour production" he basically bails and i'm stuck talking to myself for two hours and forty five minutes and storing it all up to tell you about. now, off to watch the special features. there's a morse code translator! and hopefully a bad maritime accent translator.

1. hey, i know that person! hey, there's the citadel! hey look, it's shawn duggan! hey, that chick looks like molly parker! whee! this is fun!
2. it it explosion time yet?
3. hey, why is there some german spy guy planning to blow up the ships? that's not how it happened! why would they try to make it seem like the germans blew the ship up when everyone KNOWS that's not how it happened?
4. really? it's still two days until the explosion?
5. hey, it's vince coleman, dispatcher! i already know what happens in this part.
   
   
   he doesn't have a mustache in the movie. so much for historical accuracy. 
6. holy crap, WILL THIS SHIP EVER FUCKING EXPLODE?
7. oh. shit.
8. BOOM.
9. tears
10. tears
11. sniffles
12. tears
13. THANK YOU SO MUCH, SAD MOVIE IN DISGUISE!
14. tears
15. tears
16. OMG eww gross
17. tears
18. um... courtroom drama?
19. wait, what happened with the whole german spy guy plot? oh right. NOTHING.
20. sniffles