notes from future me

a couple of days ago on the national post's book blog, steven heighton, who i love/admire from afar in a very awestruck, am-i-even-allowed-to-talk-about-you-on-my-blog kind of way, wrote this list of things he would tell his younger self. and, because every time i see a list that someone else has made, i immediately want to be a part of it (you know, if you think of a list as a little universe in itself, a SUPER NEATLY ORDERED world where anyone can basically just go and play god and decide who, out of all the friendly little words and phrases they know, gets to move in next door to the friendly little numbers who already live there. WHICH EVERYBODY CLEARLY DOES), i'm making my own list of notes from future me, except mine aren't all writerly like s. heighton's, cause, let's face it, why go reinvent a world that's already pretty freaking perfect (as in, if you think that there's a chance that in ten years, you're going to be steven heighton and you want some really awesome advice on how to get there, well, i'm not going to be able to tell you anything. but if you think there's a chance that in ten years, you might be an underemployed short story writer living in thunder bay... oh forget it. the analogy is dead.)

1. being blonde is not for you.
2. do not ever show anyone that draft of that novel you wrote when you were at humber. you might go through a few years where you think that going to humber was a complete waste of time, but it wasn't, because it taught you how badly you suck. which also made you get better.
3. don't leave american money around the house, no matter how bad the exchange rate is.
4. when you see that yellow light on the highway by that pueblo just north of santa fe, don't stop for it. just keep going.
5. while you're at it, don't book that flight home from boston on september 11, 2001.
6. it's also probably best to reconsider splitting that quart of cranberry vodka with heather while you're housesitting at mark and tav's.
7. don't worry about passing your classes at ubc. you'll do fine.
8. also, don't stress about going to ubc in the first place. you're going to meet three of your best friends there!
9. don't see the mist.
10. two words: face book. invent it.
11. i know it might seem counter-intuitive, but bet on the new york giants in the 2008 superbowl.
12. you know that pain in your stomach? stop being such a baby and go see a fucking doctor.
13. please start plucking your eyebrows.
14. when you're wearing that angel costume in partita, everyone can see your underwear.
15. when you leave louanne and paul's christmas party in toronto, make sure you look at the boots on your feet. only one of them is actually yours.
16. that dress you're about to wear to tova's wedding in montreal? bad idea.
17. even though it might be the pinnacle of your acting career, don't let dad go to see you in the pitchfork disney. he is not ready.
18. make sure you always have a working email address for crabs.
19. the first two times you and cory stay at the edgewater in duluth, they're going to upgrade your room. the third time they're not. you might want to spend the extra cash and avoid the disappointment.
20. that job you have a bad feeling about taking? don't take it.
21. that job you thought you hated? it wasn't as bad as you thought.
22. when you go to mexico, don't forget to put sunscreen on the tops of your feet.
23. you don't know it yet, but you're really good at making chicken parm.
24. change your atm pin number to 4 digits before you leave for the uk.
25. spend more time with nana.
26. go see that arcade fire show at the marquee.
27. that jambalaya you're about to make it going to be disgusting, and it is going to turn you off jambalaya pretty much forever. just something to think about.
28. i know it sounds COMPLETELY INSANE, but i'm telling you: write a novel about a vampire who never washes his hair who falls in love with an irritatingly surly mortal girl. YOU WILL THANK ME FOR THIS!
29. that pizza in norway is going to cost you a hundred dollars.
30. that night you spend at matthew's when you first get to toronto, make sure you know where your favourite black jacket is at all times.
31. also make sure you have your cell phone with you when you leave lindsay's 80s party.
32. come to think of it, hang onto that camera when you and jen are in that cab in amsterdam.
33. that guy in your class whose stories you fell in love with before school even started is going to turn out to be as cute as you hoped he'd be.
34. the stuff you're writing is not as good as you think it is. also, it's not as bad as you think it is.
35. i'd tell you not to give up, but i know you'd never even consider it. good work!