top ten superpowers i suspect the animals on our shower curtain of possessing

whatever, you guys; you're just lucky this post isn't just all "top ten olympics i olympics the olympics on our olympics of olympics."

1. the blue bunny has the power of super smell, which you can tell by his huge ratio of nose to face.
   
   
   he can sniff out evildoers simply by knowing what they had for dinner three nights ago. as an expert on smells, he prefers that we shower with coconut verbena lime shower gel from bath and body works because it reminds him of when we stole a whole bunch of the little bottles from the hotel in duluth.
2. the round bird has the ability to turn the feet of the other animals into wheels. this allows slower animals like the turtle to move super fast, especially down hills.
   
   
   she can also turn herself into a wheel, which is her preferred method of transportation considering she doesn't have any wings. and the swirly tail is for steering, obviously.
3. the turtle on wheels can, as previously mentioned, move really fast after having his feet turned into wheels by the round bird. but also his shell is pretty much impenetrable, and if you try to shoot him, the bullets will just bounce off, and if you try to stab him, the knife will just basically break.
   
   
   he does have one weak spot that if you hit it, he will die, but i'm not going to tell you in case you know some evildoers. i'm not saying you'd tell his secret on purpose, but evildoers have their ways of getting information out of you. i'm just giving you plausible deniability, okay?
4. the yellow alligator could also be a crocodile; she is mysterious like that.
   
   
   her superpower is that she can transmute into liquid and then back into croco-gator. this is an especially good superpower for an alli-dile because they are so scary to begin with, moreso than most of the animals on the shower curtain. imagine you are an evildoer going to the bathroom and you realize a cute little bunny has appeared in your toilet. not very scary. now imagine it is something that you don't know if it's a crocodile or an alligator in your toilet. very scary! also she is friends with the round bird so once she bites an evildoer's leg off she can just roll away on her wheels.
5. the happy fish has the ability to make people think their friends are their enemies and vice versa.
   
   
   the only problem is that the happy fish still needs to live in the ocean like a normal fish, so her super power is only really useful on pirates or evil scuba divers.
6. the enigmatic owl never lets you know what he is thinking. but what he is thinking is, "if you were an evildoer, i could set you on fire just by blinking my eyes at you."
   
   
   you know the saying "if looks could kill"? when they made up that saying, i think they were talking about the enigmatic owl.
7. the enigmatic rooster is actually the brother of the enigmatic owl. i know you are thinking "how could a rooster be the brother of an owl?" but there is actually a completely reasonable explanation involving a dashing but rebellious great-horned owl, a particularly enchanting chicken, and a love that knew no boundaries.
   
   
   like his brother, the enigmatic rooster can kill you by blinking his eyes at you, but instead of setting you on fire, he will turn you to ice that will never ever melt. although, if either the enigmatic owl or the enigmatic rooster makes a mistake, their superpowers can cancel each other out. but the enigmatic owl and the enigmatic rooster never make mistakes.
8. the one-eyed cat can make her one eye spin very fast like a spiral.
   
   
   this serves two purposes; first, it hypnotizes evildoers so that they are completely under the control of the one-eyed cat, and second, it gives the one-eyed cat x-ray vision so that she can see through the evildoers clothing or briefcases to see if they are maybe carrying any explosives or maps to their secret hideout or whatever. this isn't really the most useful super power to have in the shower, since there is nothing to see through, although sometimes just for fun she hypnotizes me so that i turn the water really cold and then laughs when i freak out. i'll be honest: i am not a huge fan of the one-eyed cat.
9. the freckley dog is the cutest of the shower curtain superheroes, but also one of the deadliest.
   
   
   that's because she emits a deadly poison when she breathes that basically makes evildoers disintegrate. you probably already know how sometimes the cutest little dogs can have the worst smelling breath; well, the freckley dog is like that times infinity.
10. the pink bug is as little as a normal bug, except for his legs, which can stretch to be millions of miles long. this might not seem like such a great superpower except when you think about how fast you could get around the world if your legs were a million miles long.
    
    
    you could make it to china in one little baby step! you could stand under an evildoer and send him to the moon! the other thing is that if one of the pink bug's legs gets cut off, he can grow another one, but this is just something that all bugs can do. at least, that's what my mom told me when i was a kid. although now that i think about it, maybe that was starfish. um, i might have to go back and apologize to a whole bunch of bugs now.